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Sayings That Should Be On Buttons...
 Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
You! Off my planet!
Therapy is expensive, fidgeting is cheap!
Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of
self-control.
I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
Allow me to introduce my selves.
Better living through denial.
Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees & then name streets
after them.
Adult child of alien invaders.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
Back off! You're standing in my aura.
I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
I plead contemporary insanity.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted
paychecks.
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
Chemistry Final
At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry.
They did so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each
had an "A" so far for the semester.
These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they
decided to drive up to Charlottesville to the University of Virginia and
party with some friends up there. They had a great time...however, after
all the hardy-partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back
to Duke until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor
after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained
that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in
time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back,
didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result,
they missed the final.
The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the
final the
following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that
night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them.
He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet,
and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points,
something simple about free radical formation.
"Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room,
"this is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned
the page.
On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire?
Learn Chinese In 5 Minutes
[English phrase] -- [Chinese Interpretation]
Are you harboring a fugitive? -- Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me A.S.A.P. -- Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man -- Dum Gai
Small Horse -- Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach? -- Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table. -- Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift. -- Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here. -- Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed? -- Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorized execution. -- Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet. -- Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. -- No Pah King
Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena? -- Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?
You are not very bright. -- Yu So Dum
I got this for free. -- Ai No Pei
I am not guilty. -- Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer. -- Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week. -- Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived. -- Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight. -- Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile. -- Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive. -- Yu stin ki pu
If Dr. Seuss Wrote a Technical Manual...
Your Computer:
Bits. Bytes. Chips. Clocks.
Bits in bytes on chips in box.
Bytes with bits and chips with clocks.
Chips in box on ether-docks.
Chips with bits come. Chips with bytes come.
Chips with bits and bytes and clocks come
Look, sir. Look, sir. Read the book, sir.
Let's do tricks with bits and bytes sir.
Let's do tricks with chips and clocks, sir.
First, I'll make a quick trick bit stack.
Then I'll make a quick trick byte stack.
You can make a quick trick chip stack.
You can make a quick trick clock stack.
And here's a new trick on the scene.
Bits in bytes for your machine.
Bytes in words to fill your screen.
Now we come to ticks and tocks, sir.
Try to say this by the clock, sir.
Clocks on chips tick.
Clocks on chips tock.
Eight byte bits tick.
Eight bit bytes tock.
Clocks on chips with eight bit bytes tick.
Chips with clocks and eight byte bits tock.
Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say:
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
You can't say this?
What a shame sir!
We'll find you
Another game sir.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and take them all out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as bytes have nibbles, your computer's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!
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