Amish and an Elevator

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them and into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of light with numbers above the wall light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your Mother."

Holy Bloopers

The following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins.

Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday at 4:00 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be Little Mothers will meet with the Pastor in his study.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Funny Classified Ads
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Great Dames for sale.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it!
If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere and Chopin.
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.
Man, honest. Will take anything.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere else again.
Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Mother's helper--peasant working conditions.
Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.